Funny Quotes About Women and Wives…

Posted by Mike Lopez under Funny Stuff
Feb 2007
22
03:39pm


TELL THESE TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH……AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

- David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

- Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

- Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?

- Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

- Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

- Henny Youngman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

- Sam Kinison

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

- James Holt McGavran

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”

- Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

  1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
  2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

- Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…

- Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

- Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

- Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

- Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

- Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”



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